The Life Of A Punk/Stoner/Goth/Loner

Well I feel good today…. But you dont care…

I love new years. Its the one day a year I feel good. I dont evenknow why. Maybe its because its a chance to change for the next year. But I never do.

My internets been down for the last few days and the dickheads at the provider didnt even know what was wrong. I had to fix it my self. Dumb fucks.

Got myself a new lip ring. Quite like the the was it looks.

Been writing some new songs. I would post them here. But its not like any one reads this anyway. So I guess it would be a waste of time.

Wish I could get a counter so I could at least see how many people dont care.

Looking for a job. Or at least pretending to so the authoritys dont cut my payments.

Drove for the first time in ages the last few days. I never get to drive. Fucking family. Dad only just got his license back for drink driving (.149) Mum never had a car and Dads partner wouldnt let me near her car. Even tho she drove mine around for fucking forever. Till it died. Only drove it once or twice myself. But I cant even fuckin look at hers. Not like its that good anyway…

New years should be good. Chance for me to wip myself out again. I love doing that. Just drinkin and drug my self so far gone I dont remember and cant think….

Watched the new TCSM the other day (texas chainsaw). I like the old one a lot better. Did it stoned off my head and tripped out major watching it. Always fun….

Have you ever chromed before? I did. A long time ago now. During my biggest fall.

Its such a trip.

As much as I hate to admit I actually liked it. It gives you this weird feeling in your chest. Like its to tight, but only for a second. Then you get this feeling of calm. Get a colour display and cant think at all.

I remember at one stage I help my phone to my ear and someone was there.. And i had been talking to them. But I didnt remember at all. Its like someone else did it. And another time I looked at my hand and I was typing a message on my phone. I didnt even know I was doing it. Even when I watched myself do it, I still didnt know what the message was goin to say or even who it was to. Again like someone else was controling me…..

Drugs are bad, mmmk.

Nearly Christmas… You care… But I dont care….

Fuck I hate Christmas. Its just another Hallmark holiday designed by “Big Company” to sell cheap thoughtless cards, over priced, under made toys, and to jack up prices so people how bealy afford stuff before, have no chance now.

It just makes people with out anything feel worce off then they normally do…. But what ever….

But it does give me the oppertunity to partake in passtime of mine… Tellin little children that santa isnt real…. Always fun..

Got drunk last nite and passed out infront of the TV. Woke up after a few hours sleep to some shit xmas special midday movie.

Brought myself a new stomp box for my guitar. Really loving it.

Cut myself again… Havent done that for a long time.. Dont even really know why… I thinkstuff just builds up over a long time and every now and again I have to do it as a release…

I would get called crasy if people knew, but i dont know why.. Its not like i’m trying to kill my self. All I’m doing it making a scratch in my arm. Shit I get worse wounds after a nite drinking.

Some new prick in town stared calling me Goth as an insault… I find it a compliment. I know I’m not a Goth, but they are some of the best people around…

Dave gave me a great xmas pressent the other day. A bootleg vinyl of “The Movie” which is the sound track to “Pink Floyds The Wall” (different to the album, because they re-recorded the songs for the movie) and a record player that hooks into my computer…

Merry motherfuckin christmas arse holes…..

Im home again. But you dont care…….

I dont know why I miss home when Im away yet as soon as I return I hate it alll over again….

Went to my mates place. He isnt in a good way. He was hammered when I got there. I dont like seeing him all cut up. He didnt say anything about why, but you could tell…..

Got drunk again last night, and once again cemented my hatetred for people. I went to a friends house to have a few drinks. And they invited these dickhead around. Ended up playing a truth or dare game, which sucked. Had to run around to the neighbors house in my boxer. Didnt really mind that part. But when I got back they had thrown my cothes on the room of the car port. Oh and they also hosed me down, but I didnt really care about that. It was a hot night so I didnt really feel it. Actually it wasnt to bad.

So after I drunkenly got on the roof I had to jump off, into what turned out to be rose bush, so I am now covered with cuts and scratches.

My new lip piercing is irriitating me a little bit which pissed me off, but other then that I really like it. Looks good.

How hard do you think it would be to kill your self? Could you pull the trigger? Slice the blade? Take the jump? Could you intentionally do something, that soul purpose is to kill you?

Think about it.

Would take some guts to do that…..