The Life Of A Punk/Stoner/Goth/Loner

I do, but there isnt any one…. But you dont care….

I dont even know what i want to talk about. But sometimes I just really want to talk…

There seems that i have a spike in views on Sundays. I wonder what happens on Sunday…

I saw one of my ex’s today. She didnt see me. But I saw her on the street. Its strange because I dont even really remember what she looks like.

I wonder if I want her back. Sometimes I feel like I do, but then I think that its probably just that we broke up and I’m still not over it in some way…

But then I think. This is no where near as strong as the feels I still have for someone else. I think that it must mean something after all this time if you still think about them And not just the “she’s an ex” kinda think. Like just randomly I will think of her and what we did together. I still smile at a lot

I dont smile much tho…

I think i will have a look back over my life…. But you dont care…

Noone does

I have done many things that I am not proud of.

I have done few things that I am.

If I believe in something, someone, it is one of the few things that I am proud of. If I fully believe in something it is worth more to me then my life.

I dont have many moments like that, that I am proud of.

Some things that Im not proud of….

* I chromed. I really dont like that I did that. What I dont like more is that fact that I liked it. It was a really bad time in my life. Everything was just going down hill. I was stoned all the time and when I didnt have any weed I was drunk from when I woke up to when I went to sleep. I went to school drunk more then once. I stayed up all night drinking and played footy the next day. I played one game on half an hours sleep, still drunk and hung over. I puked at every break and passed out when I finished.

* I cheated. I wish that I didnt. But I have cheated on every girlfriend that I have had except the onces that I truely loved. My second girlfriend I broke up with for my thrid and cheated on with my first. I was talking to her weeks before I broke up with my second. My third grilfriend, I cheated on with my fourth. My fourth I cheated on wiith some chick that I knew. My first and fifth I loved.

* I lied. I lied to so many people over the years. I have lied to friends, family, girlfriend….  I have told girlfriendsthings that werent true so they would love me. I have told friends things that were true so they would respect me. I have told family things that werent true so they would leave me alone.

* I manipulated. I have manipulated many people to get what I have wanted. Used my life as a bargining tool. Twisted people against each other to get my own way. Twisted family to get money.

* I stole. I have stolen so much. People, possestions, words, truths. Ive broken into a house to steal for my habbits. I hve broken into schools to steal for personal gain. I have broken into buisseness to steal  for personall gain and to feed my habbits. I have stolen for friends and family. I have stolen out of love and out of hate.

But dispite all these things there are some things in my life that I have done that I have been proud of. There arent many. But the few things that i have done that i actually am proud of do exisit.

* I believed. I have believen people when I shouldnt have. Given then the benifit of the doubt, the chance to make up for what they had done before I cut them away. I shoudnt have done it sometimes. But I did any way just because i wanted to believe.

* I loved. I have loved. I belive it to be true. I have told people that I didnt love that I did. And people that I did that I didnt. But there were times that I got it right. I loved my first girlfriend. I truly did. I would have given my life for her. Dispite everything that she did to me (and true be told I did to her) she was and still is perfect in my eyes. She never changed. She was always the girl that I loved that first night under the stars. And she was that girl that I still loved walking out my door. My fifth girlfriend i loved as well. I felt something all those years ago. And I left it again that night under the stars. And I still loved her as se told me to walk out the door.

* I cared. I have cared about a few things in my life that were pure. I have cared when it counted. I have cared when it was needed. Not always but a few times I have gotten it right.

As you can see there is more good then bad. And I can accept that.

But before you judge me.

Look at your own list.

See anything the same?

Well mine does… But you dont care…

Went out drinking on friday. Since I had lost my wallet I couldnt get my tattoo with out my ID so I decided to use my money that I had saved to get drunk. SO I went to the Black Swan early in the night before the bouncers start working.

Sat down outside and started drinking. Had a few drinks then a guy at the table next to mine ordered one to many drinks so I got it. Moved to their table and talked with them. Moved inside and scored a few free drinks and talked shit.

Was quiet amusing.

Some girls came over and wanted to have our seats, So they sat with us.

Got more drunk and headed to a few different bars. Only got asked for ID at one place.

Rod the bull at the Red Mozy. Brused my legs on the fucking thing.

Got really drunk and went home with the girl. Man I hate waking up next to a fat chick…. All well. Still got a root.

Been looking for weed lately. Havent had much luck. Given my number to a few random people who said they might be able to help me. But I havent had any luck.

I think that I am not meant to see 28 Days…. They were paying at The Pub on friday. I went early, again be fore the bouncers got on and paid my cover fee. But I didt even end up going back to see them. I was there for about 5 minutes….

I was going to see them play a long time back, but I decided to stay home with my girlfriend. I didnt want to go out and have fun and her have to miss it….

Then last night my cuz rang me around half past one at night. Told me she was in town so I went out and met her at  Uni. Had a few drinks but really didnt do much. I used my stamp from The Pub on friday night to fake my way into Uni on saturday night then got a new stamp when I got in.

Then I used the fake that I know the bouncer at Level 2. Wasnt really worth it…..

I have a lot of stuff going on in my head at them moment. I wish some stuff that has been happening lately didnt happen….

I lost my wallet… But you dont care….

I dont really care that I lost my wallet. ITs not like I had money in it. I wouldnt really care that much if it did have money in it.

Its the shit that comes with losing your wallet that pisses me off. Like now i have to get a new back card, new ID, a new medi care card. All that shit. And its just so much hassel.

And then there is the stuff that I cant just replace. The stuff with stories. The stuff from my travels. A card that I got from schoolies week, a card that Ive had since my first wallet, a picture from a porn mag of a tranny that looks just like someone I know. Little things. They wont change my life, but they still matter.

 It was a new wallet to. Only just got it. Cost me fifty bucks and I narely had it 3 weeks. It still didnt fold properly. Im so pissed about that…

I hate when you loses things like that. Like you will have forgoten about it in a few weeks and it wont matter any more, but those things even if you dont remember them still matter. Like I wont be able to, when, and if, Im old, look back and say I got this card when I was 13 and it has been with me ever since. Or show someone the badly translated card advertising something that I got from schoolies….

Losing stuff sucks…

I tried to extore a girl today. Just some girl that I use to know. I met her for the first time when I was about 14 or 15. It was strange. When I met her the second time, was when she came to my old town. And everyone else just thought she was an easy lay, a slut per say. But I actually liked her for her, and looked out for her. I considered her a friend. But recently I have been cutting ties for soem reason. Dont know why. But I just dont need these people.

She was fairly cool, litle dumb but a lot of people are. Anyway I was pretty ok with her, until I slept with her.

She was actually pretty bad dispite the rep she had gotten.

I actually stopped half way and sent her home. Which i find pretty funny.

Anyway she messaged me today and asked if her new boyfriend asked, if I oculd say we never hooked up. Now I dont like that for two reasons. One  her new boyfriend is a dick and was the ring leader of the people who where calling her a slut, and two, why should she lie about it. Just because her boyfriend is a dick and doesnt like me (which is no surprise. He a moron, and thinks that he can “be my friend” when he want something)

Soi I said suer I wont tell him…. for 150 bucks. Almost got it to. But then I went on my normal power trip crossed with trying to lay down some intelagence and get her to tell him her self. I mean the guy is going to find out some day anyway (thanks to me now telling everyone that I still now from my old town that I fucked her) and it would have been better for him to find out from her…

Alwell

Anyway i got told to meantion someone in here some I guess now is the best time as any to do it….

One day a long time ago I was visiting my best friend in Geelong. We were just skateing around checking the sites, and causing trouble. All fun. Anyways we stopped t Maccas, where I made the first of my now standard “Maccas Crap Sculptures”. Basiclly I use all the wrappers and empty cups to make a fragile, balancing act.

Anyway over at this other table were a group of girls. They were stuffing around with a camera taking photos, one of which i semi posed for. We left and they left just after us we be decided to follow them… We skated slow and made sure they were following us. They stopped at the music store so we went in and ended up chatting to them Got names and number off them and stayed in contact with a few of them for a while.

Now one of them calls me randomly ever now and again, which I like. She knows who she is. Se is pretty cool very random and kinda childish, which I like. Its funny some of the stuff she comes out with. She is kinda weird, like me which is rather cool.

She makes me laugh.

We talk a fair bit now, and I like that. I know she loves me but she wont admit it, at least when shes sober. Wouldnt mind to catch up with her again.

I get paid today which is good. And my partner in crime might be visting me as well. Which means we will talk shit, get drunk and have fun. I love gettin drunk with her, its always fun.

She might even be scoring for me, which rocks. The night might be better then i had originally thought. It should be good because I havent gone out for a while….

Love songs suck and fairy tales aren’t true…

Getting my tattoo soon…. But you dont care….

But its kinda cool. Im getting it done on Friday the 13th, which I think is pretty cool.

If you have ever seen Alice In Wonderland you’ll know what Im talking about. Its the Cheshire Cat. With one of his lines writen around it. “You May Have Noticed That Im Not All There Myself”

Its just my way of saying that Im a little crasy in my own way.